Rincewind's Revenge
by Akria
Summary: Rincewind turned evil and powerful. A priest of the Lady tries to stop him. Please review, it's only my first one! Rated PG for language and lots of death. (More death coming in force soon.)
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: The characters belong to the Great and Almighty Terry Pratchett (except for Father Akria).  
  
Chapter 1: Verbum Veritastic  
  
"Ridcully, what in the name of Disc are you doing?!?" the Dean shouted as the Archchancellor lifted his bed up on it's side, thus effectively knocking the Dean's head on the floor and causing him mild concussion.  
  
"Get up, you fool, Rincewand-"  
  
"Rincewind, Archchancellor, you remember, not Rincewand."  
  
"I bloody well don't care, excuse my Klatchian, whether his name's Rincewind or… or… or Uooga Booga as long you get out of bed right NOW!!! He's stolen the Verbum Veritastic!"  
  
"The what Archchancellor?"  
  
"The bloody Word of Truth, you idiot!"  
  
THAT made the Dean sit right up.  
  
"AAARRGHHHH!"  
  
"Yes it's that bad."  
  
"No, Archchancellor, I just sat on my comb!!!"  
  
Ridcully gave up at this, whacked the Dean across his head with his oaken staff and marched out of the room.   
  
Pausing only to consider why the boss always has a difficult life.  
  
"Hahahahahaha…"  
  
"Rincewind, how splendid to see you again!" shouted Twoflower, the most naïve tourist on the Disc (in fact the only tourist on the Disc) as he saw his old friend and guide, Rincewind.  
  
"What? Oh yeah, COWER AND GROVEL MERE MORTAL, FOR YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF A GOD IN HUMAN FORM!"  
  
"Really? You mean like Lady Lu-"  
  
"Don't say it!" Rincewind shouted out of force of habit. (It should be noted that the once hopelessly inept wizard was now 6 foot tall, weighed 180 pounds, and above all, was practically all-powerful. So much for progress. Cavemen were like that and they lived maybe 10,000 years ago.)  
  
'Maybe I just wasn't cut out to be a Dark Lord' he thought grimly. 'I mean, I don't have the location or the sheer mind-dulling evil like Evil Harry Dread. I'm a failure. But at least I'm a failure that can blast that blasted Twoflower into oblivion.'   
  
So he did.  
  
As Rincewind left, laughing at the grim remains of Twoflower's body.  
  
"Why did he do that? I mean, I was going to pay him that… 476 day overtime. And I was just going to offer him some tea."  
  
I FIND IT'S BEST NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. BY THE WAY, WAR IS STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO DECIDE WHETHER YOU'RE GOING TO FOLD OR NOT ON CRIPPLE MR ONION.  
  
"Oh, tell him that I will fold. No, I mean, I'll tell him myself. Or maybe I won't fold. Or…  
  
Death grinned. He was going to enjoy these fanfics. 


	2. Ricully's Pain

Disclaimer: The characters belong to the Great and Almighty Terry Pratchett (except for Father Akria).  
  
Notice: Hi all, sorry about it taking so long to get in another chapter but the site's messing me up bigtime. I'll do how Rincewind got his power in the next chapter.  
  
Chapter 2: Ridcully's Pain  
  
"All right, now that you're all finally here I will tell you the bad new-"  
  
"ZZZZZZZZZZ, ZZZZZZZZZ."  
  
"Who is that? I demand to know who it is!"  
  
"It's the Lecturer in Recent Runes, Archchancellor. He's giving a lecture in room 3B."  
  
"Ahhhhh, isn't that sweet? WAKE UP YOU IMBECILE!!! Now, maybe we can get on. Anyway, Rincewand-  
  
"-Wind, Archchancellor-"  
  
Ridcully's Look silenced the speaker in seconds.  
  
"OK, this Rincewind has stolen the VERBUM VERITASTIC, if you please, Librarian. You know, the Word of Truth, deadly in the wrong hands, the whole   
  
End-Of-The-World-Introductory-Package-Buy-One, Get-One-Free-For-All-Eternity thing?"  
  
"Erm, I have a question, Archchancellor?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Erm, can we discuss this after dinner, only it's a whole TEN minutes since it started, we'll starve at this rate and also it's lamb chops today..."  
  
At this there was a general chorus of 'yes, he's right's to further aggravate the Archchancellor.  
  
"FINE, PUT THE SAFETY OF THE DISC AT STAKE JUST BECAUSE OF STEAK! SURE, LEAVE RIDCULLY TO HANDLE IT, HE'LL DO IT NO PROBLEM!"  
  
"Good man, Archchancellor," said the Head of Advisably Applied Magic (the opposite of Ponder Stibbons, the Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic and only   
  
sane man in the University).  
  
When they had all filed out the room, Ponder approached Ridcully and said,  
  
"Archchancellor, why don't you find Father Akria, you know, the High Priest of the Lady."  
  
"Good idea Stibbons, we'll start right away."  
  
"But Archchancellor, I..."  
  
Ridcully had already walked away. 'Great', thought Ponder, 'me and my big mouth'.  
  
  
  
"Hahahahahahahaha..."  
  
"Rincewind, you old weasel, how are you?"  
  
"Well, I have got an ulcer coming on in my stomach and- What am I doing?!? Cohen?  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You're finally dead..."  
  
"What?"  
  
BAZAAM! BOOM! AND ANY OTHER SOUND EFFECTS YOU CAN THINK OF!  
  
"Whut?" said Hamish as Rincewind left.  
  
"He said Cohen's RED, Hamish!" shouted Boy Willie.  
  
"Whut did he say?"  
  
"Oh dear, is it time for his gruel already?" asked Teach Number Two (Teach, who was the Disc's first barbarian teacher, had trained another person to do his jobs in   
  
his abscence.)   
  
"Also, do any of you feel any different?" said Teach No. Two after he had tried several unsuccessful times to lift Hamish's gruel pot.  
  
"Hello boys!" chirped a woman standing behind them along with 6 others. She just had time to scream before Cohen, in his spectral form, chopped off her head.  
  
"Not another bloody Valkyrie. We died once already in the Last Hero and we won't do it again. Come on lads, let's strike so's we get a better job in the next fanfic."   
  
With that they walked off, occasionally moaning about their backs.  
  
"(Author) Hey, you guys can't quit now. It's my story- Hey, get back here! Oh, guys..."  
  
And thus, an author always gets the cold shoulder. 


	3. Rincewind's Power

Disclaimer: The characters belong to the Great and Almighty Terry Pratchett (except for Father Akria).  
  
Note: At long last, the eagerly awaited chapter is here! I shall finally tell you how Rincewind got his power! (Gives a small cheer.)  
  
Conscience: "It took you long enough"  
  
"Shut up, I... Nice readers, I would appreciate it if you went away... NOW OR ELSE I'LL STOP WRITING FICS! Shoo! While I strangle my conscience!"  
  
Conscience: "Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh... gurgle gurgle..."  
  
Chapter 3: Rincewind's 3,347th Near Death Experience  
  
"Oh stercus stercus stercus, moriturus sum!" shouted Rincewind as he ran through the sacred Temple of Truth. Once again, guards were after him waving their swords.   
  
He ran until he entered the Truth Garden, where many monks were meditating in silence.  
  
"Hey, look, he's in the Garden! Come on, after 'im!"   
  
As Rincewind ran, he saw a trapdoor in a fountain in the middle of the garden. Giving up running, he went to it, opened the door and went inside the fountain finding a lot of stairs.  
  
'Oh no, I'm not stupid, anyone who goes down hidden stairs is in for an adventure' he thought cowardly. Trying with every muscle in his body to remain calm, he gently opened the   
  
trapdoor a crack and...  
  
"There he is!"  
  
"Not again!" cried Rincewind, starting to run down the stairs. As he ran, he noticed a strange tang to the air.  
  
"Magic! It tastes like tin!" Rincewind muttered to himself as the world turned purple. Eventually he could'nt see anything and was stopping when out of nowhere, this small room with a   
  
small pedestal appeared. On it was a strange rune which when Rincewind got closer, he saw to read: Veritasat. No, it couldn't be... The legendary Word of Truth! Greedily he eyed it.   
  
With this he could kill all those who made his life a misery... He stepped forward, it was in his grasp... 


End file.
